Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Condom in Doug’s boxie

Responding to Doug reporting a mailbox condom bombing to the police (we know it wasn’t a condom belonging to Mr. Pez Despenser, as he obviously has never used one):

Don’t quite know what to make of this report. What with Doug’s history of claiming he is being attacked, making claims that Intoleristas are targeting him, and shouting from the rooftops that any icky acts are perpetrated solely on him. . . . Well, you’all get the drift. Doug and his good ole boys can get up to all kinds of nasty highjinks — boys will be boys, dontcha know — but the minute something happens to Dougie, call out the militia, ‘cause the Preacher Done Been Hit.

Doug’s position in the community obviously exempts him from the run-of-the-mill icky-sticky stuff the rest of us experience. Remember the XMas lights at NSA? How many others in Moscow had lights vandalised? Who but Dougie called in an air strike? Sorry you got randomized, Doug. Welcome to the club of Random Ass Victims Express (RAVE). Have a lovely evening. Big Damn Deal.

Once again, Doug — Get Over Your Fat Old Self!! Every last Intolerista on the whole flippin’ Palouse has better things to do than pretend to jack off in your silly little mailbox. If you are feeling embattled, try some human kindness directed towards your neighbors, a little humility about your failings, sip a tad of the cup of generosity. Just stop blaming the blameless, and recognize that you are exactly the same as the rest of humanity — not above reproach, not above average, not above random acts of idiocy (which you should understand, having perpetrated quite a few), and not important enough for your true enemies to bother with something this dumb. We are, in fact, plotting something MUCH bigger than that condom. . . . now you can really lose some sleep. . . .

Smoke and mirrors!! Paranoia!!! Self involvement!!! Hubris, Thy Name is Wilson. . . .