Friday, September 01, 2006

Cultist of the Week Award

Today we bellow a high and mighty “Congratulations!” to Warren Jeffs, winner of this week’s Cultist of the Week Award, who can add our prize to his long list of accomplishments, which is noteworthy. Jeffs is the prophet and president of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, husband of about 40 wives, father of 56 children (give or take a few), stand-up comic, and, until his arrest this week, member of the FBI’s 10 Most Wanted list. The FBI wanted him for being an accomplice to child rape, for having sex with a minor, and for conspiracy to have sex with a minor. If convicted, Jeffs faces a life sentence in Purgatory Correctional Centre, a just end for the self-proclaimed prophet who ruled his cult “with an iron fist, making outrageous demands and expelling anyone who disobeys (as well as those whom he considers to be a threat).” Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Therefore, we tip our Fedora to you, Warren Jeffs, as we bid you fair adieu, confident that neither your anointing nor your costume will keep you safe in Purgatory. But we take pleasure in this, for as Groucho Marx said, “Time wounds all heels.” And your time just started.