Friday, September 15, 2006

Cultist of the Week Award

Ed Iverson wins our Cultist of the Week Award for his column “Contemporary Comedy and Tragedy in Society,” which he published in last weekend’s Daily News as one of their biweekly guest editorialists. Mr. Iverson, of course, is the head librarian at New Saint Andrews College where “head” is the operative term, because Ed makes quite the fashion statement with that pricey silver fork from Tiffany’s lodged firmly in his skull. Mr. Iverson is also an elderling at the Christ Church Cult, where their canon law holds two primary doctrines:
Article 1: All human life in gestation must be protected.

Article 2: All post-gestation human life must suffer profound abuse and suffering with sharp weapons — at the hands of kulters — if that post-gestation human life disagrees with or offends them.

Furthermore, subsection (a) of Article 2 requires the use of across-the-board misrepresentations to justify their application of said sharp weapons, as witnessed by the glosses, falsehoods, and strawmen advanced by Mr. Iverson in his award-winning column, which we have appended below along with the letters to the editor it garnered.

We wish we could attribute Mr. Iverson’s highly irregular opinions to the brain damage caused by that shinny piece of cutlery embedded in his gray matter; however, he has convinced us that his opinions stem from an unbending loyalty to a bent canon law, which appears more crooked daily. Therefore, Ed, we tip our Fedora to you, acknowledging your twisted sense of values and leaving you with a word of wisdom: You can’t extract the fork from your cranium unless you pull your head out first.

HIS VIEW: Contemporary comedy and tragedy in society
By Ed Iverson

So many things in our society are bottom side up that a person doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The line between tragedy and comedy is a narrow one. It is sometimes hard to know if we should howl with laughter or howl in anguished disbelief.

Take the common case in which municipalities and companies extend employee benefits that were formerly reserved for married couples to men who are romantically involved. This means opening the health group to homosexual domestic partners. These same municipalities and companies are generally very severe about employees using tobacco. Employees are badgered about tobacco because it drives up the cost of health insurance for the group.

Can you think of a bigger howler? We must ban smoking for health reasons and at the same time we will invite practicing homosexuals to participate in our health plan? That is either deep tragedy or high comedy. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, homosexual men are 1,000 times more likely to contract AIDS than someone in the general population. The Medical Clinics of North America report that almost 80 percent of homosexual men have had at least one sexually transmitted disease. We could go on citing statistics like these. The truth is, homosexual behavior is not user friendly.

Even if it were to be shown that inviting practicing homosexuals into the insurance group dramatically increases insurance premiums, municipalities and corporations would never dare to openly resist the homosexual juggernaut. It is cool to be hotly opposed to “big tobacco.” But it is “in” to be “out.”

Then there is the case of the uncomfortable geese. Long ago and far away some curious Frenchmen wondered what would happen if they force-fed their geese. Someone must know the story of the goose herder who first dreamed up this plan. However that tale goes, it seems as though this force-feeding results in big goose livers. This appeals to goose liver lovers (even if they are not French); and so the story has been written for centuries. French farmers stuff their geese and make them fat. French butchers wring the neck and cut out the big goose liver. French chefs take the big goose livers and make a paste they call foie gras. French connoisseurs pay big bucks for the resulting snack.

Everything is pretty cool until the loony left rides in to champion the cause of the fat geese. By their own reckoning, the trendy lefties are the guardian of the oppressed and the defender of the defenseless. (Well, actually they are the defenders of only a select few of the defenseless.) No one ever cared for geese like these guys. They contend that every goose has the right not to be overfed. To my knowledge, no useless lefty judge has yet discovered that right tucked away in the U.S. Constitution. No doubt they will.

Advocates for fat geese decry the cruelty of poking food down a gooses’ [sic] neck. They bemoan the animalistic pain involved. They assault restaurant patrons with pictures of crazy Frenchmen stuffing grain down the neck of a goose. A number of localities (including Chicago) have simply thrown up their hands and outlawed the French delicacy.

Is there anything more tragic, or perhaps more comic than earnest folly? These are the same people who can enthusiastically support plunging a fork into an “unwanted” child’s head, killing it in the very act of birth. Feeding an animal more than it would normally eat is condemned as cruel and painful, but chopping up a baby is celebrated as a “choice” of someone who has a right to privacy. Storming eateries with pictures of force-feeding geese earns respectful attention while showing pictures of developing babies to women contemplating an abortion is condemned as emotional blackmail.

Protesting the production of foie gras while rationalizing the killing of defenseless infants has a comedic aspect. But it is not comedy. It is one of the tragedies upon which the ship of our state is foundering.

Columnist’s hate rhetoric twists the truth
Ed Iverson is a “contemporary comedy and tragedy of society.”

I have had it with Iverson and his Saturday morning rants (Opinion, Sept. 9 & 10) It’s supposed to be an editorial page, not a propaganda page. He would have us believe the world is black and white. Most of us know the world is black, white and so many shades of gray that are complex and ever changing. The fact is that everyone’s life experiences are different and lead to different views. If Ed Iverson’s worldview is as narrow as he tells us then so be it. But it is my right to my worldview. Don’t like it? Tough — welcome to grown-up land.

He stated “. . . according to the CDC, homosexual men are 1,000 times more likely to contract AIDS than someone in the general population. . .” I went to the CDC website and could not find any facts to verify this claim. I emailed the CDC and gave them the quote. Here is part of the information I received from them:
MSM (Men who have Sex with Men) are slightly more than 2 times more likely to have HIV than non-MSM, however, that profile is changing. While HIV infections in MSM remain relatively stable, infections in heterosexual persons, especially women, are increasing.

This seems to say that not only are homosexual men not 1,000 times more likely to get AIDS than I am (he only missed it by 997) but that this is a health issue that affects all Americans. It is typical of hate rhetoric to twist the truth.

I am tired of the hateful rhetoric. Ed Iverson must go. A community with two public universities, many faith communities that preach tolerance for others, and people who believe in respecting our differences deserve more from the Daily News than someone preaching hate.

Leslie Fort

Iverson’s rant spoils weekend
A big football weekend (Sept. 9 & 10) with Vandal and Cougar supporters pouring into the Palouse, and the University of Idaho College of Art and Architecture celebrating a new beginning with visitors from all over the Northwest (and one from Spain), and amazingly the Moscow-Pullman Daily News unlocks the attic door and Uncle Eddie (Iverson) clumps down the stairs for one of his Saturday rants about homosexuals, the loony left, the emotional blackmail used by supporters of women’s right to choose and useless lefty judges.

What a strange Saturday morning read for all our visitors. And a time for the rest of us to have another cup of coffee, shake our collective heads in embarrassment and turn to Peanuts for some love and compassion and Frank and Ernest for real intellectual exchange.

Ross Coates

Columnist spreads prejudice
I urge the people of Moscow to read Ed Iverson’s column (Opinion, Sept. 9 & 10). I realize my 27 years of medical practice does not compare to his wisdom, and I don’t have the space here to refute his slanted statistics about disease and sexuality, so suffice it to say I humbly disagree.

I routinely see spontaneous abortions (miscarriages) in the first trimester of pregnancy and have known gynecologists who perform first trimester abortions. The image of a doctor “plunging a fork into a child’s head . . . in the very act of birth” is beyond ludicrous. And the connection between abortion and foie gras? Only a schizophrenic off their medicines could make that one.

But that is not why I am writing. I would ask the people of this community to read Iverson’s column and ask: Is it written with humility or arrogance? Is it tolerant or intolerant? Does it come from love or hatred? What would Jesus write?

I am the father of a gay son (whose picture happened to be in that same day’s paper in the 9/11 story). God created him gay just like he created me straight. I have seen him hurt too many times when nasty people like Ed Iverson spread their prejudices under the cover of religion.

I would be a hypocrite to call myself a Christian because I cannot live up to the Christian philosophy of selflessness, loving one’s enemies, and rejecting personal wealth. Now I have another reason to avoid the label. That is to avoid being associated with people like Ed Iverson and the institution of Christ Church which he represents.

Maybe if we all boycott the businesses downtown that support Christ Church we can help. Sometimes if you deny a cancer it’s blood supply, it goes away.

Jay Hunter M.D.