A Communion Meditation for Mr. Schwaller

Dear Mr. Schwaller,

As you prepare to defile this week’s Table again, I want to give you more background in your crash course on the disingenuous machinations of Douglas Wilson, particularly as they apply to his distorted sense of self-importance in direct opposition to the needs of his flock..

Please take a moment to read this blog entry entitled “Kick It Up A Notch,” which he posted on April 30, 2005, in response to unnamed events that transpired the previous week. And bear in mind that he wrote this about six weeks after he discovered a serial pedophile committed abominations with Kirk lambs for the past 18 months, or to use his words, six weeks after he learned that “God’s hand of judgment” fell on Christ Church.

Now please note the two most striking points of this post. First, Pastor Wilson immediately established himself as the center of attention, putting himself on par with the psalmist and St. Paul. Second, notice that Pastor Wilson used vivid language to describe a serious event that he called an “attack,” but he NEVER IDENTIFIED the exact nature of this so-called “attack”; he never stated what specifically happened.

For example, he implied that someone had “reviled” him for Jesus’ sake, but he didn’t say who or how. He called this event a “disguised attack on the purity and consequent potency of the gospel,” and He compared its significance to Paul’s confrontation of Peter at Antioch, but I don’t recall any apostolic assemblies in the last two years. He called it a “tribulation” whereby he would “enter the kingdom of heaven,” but he omitted the specifics of his distress. It was something that “troublemakers” caused because they wanted to “win the respect of the unbelieving world,” but he neglected support this innuendo with any facts. He intimated that he refused to compromise his faith, unlike the “moderate Christians” who had. To be sure, the “attack” and subsequent hardship was so severe for Pastor Wilson that it required special intercession from the saints, whom he publicly thanked for their support because it “meant a great deal.” And he eased the concern of his friends, saying that he and his wife were doing “quite well.”

But please notice, Mr. Schwaller, that Pastor Wilson NEVER IDENTIFIED the exact nature of this so-called “attack”; he never stated exactly what happened. He completely failed to pinpoint the actual historical event itself, leaving his readers to their imaginations to discover the awful truth.

It’s fair to say that he described his family’s trial as so severe that the average reader could walk away thinking it was too terrible to mention; that, for example, he just learned a serial pedophile had raped his grandchildren for the past 18 months. I must admit Pastor Wilson left me with the impression that all four of Job’s messengers had visited him at once, or that bad men tried extorting a repudiation of his faith from him.

But none of these things happened, Mr. Schwaller, not even close. You see, Pastor Wilson could not state directly in plain language the nature of this “attack” because the sad facts of the matter would have immediately punctured his inflated storyline. There was no “attack.” No one “reviled” him. There was no “tribulation.” These things were all figments of Wilson’s imagination — pure fantasy. This is because only one event occurred that week: WORLD Magazine reported that Douglas Wilson committed plagiarism when he co-wrote and edited the book Southern Slavery As It Was. That’s it. Pastor Wilson suffered profound tribulation because WORLD Magazine reported that he committed plagiarism. And their report wasn’t even an “article.” It was a 387-word vignette on the sidebar, which was exactly 300 words less than his blog post. This was the “attack” on poor Pastor Wilson; this was his “tribulation.”

But while no one reviled him, he reviled WORLD Magazine for using the words “stolen sections” to describe his sin. And while no one demanded that he renounce his faith, he demanded that WORLD Magazine apologize to him for the story. And while no one suffered harm that required the saints’ intercession, he made the world suffer as he threw his unrelenting fit of rage.

Mr. Schwaller, as you consider Pastor Wilson’s dreadful ordeal, please compare it to the indescribable acts perpetrated against those innocent children by Steven Sitler just a few weeks before Wilson wrote his fantastic story. Factor in Wilson’s refusal to notify congregation and community, as well as his April Fools Day joke on the Moscow Food Co-op; and don’t forget the beatings that he gave MLK Jr and John Wesley for their plagiarism. Finally, look at Wilson’s cholesterol-laden menu for his self-absorbed gluttony festival described in excessive detail down to the obscene stuffing spilling over the belt of his size 66 (too small) pants.

And with all of these historical facts set before you, ask the question, What the schwaller is wrong with this man?

Now make sure you look nice and holy for the people today, because you are a very brave and important person.

Thank you.